People, Random

Waiting

The security guard passes by. Her uniform was typically ill-fitting. Her pants ballooned unnecessarily and had an iron-induced sheen. Her shirt seemed to be a pale shade of gray. Her nails though… Those were neon green. Like a shout in a funeral, or ice-cream on a dying man’s tongue. Her face passed me, unchanging.

The four men behind her came into view. They sat in front of the Chinese food outlet. I couldn’t decide if they were Chinese, or Philippinos, or something else all together. Their skin seemed to have learned melanin by force. Their eyes looked at everything. Everything. Twice. I wondered if the Chinese food they ate here tasted like home, or just a cheap knockoff. Perhaps it tasted like nothing because they were in a place that meant nothing to them. Who would I be in their land? Burned and lost? Or happy? The meal was over and they were relaxed now. Eyes no longer roamed endlessly, but squinted amidst laughter and lighter postures. The day’s hours were well behind them for the moment. Indeed, the week, too.

As for me, I sit in a shaded corner awaiting his arrival. The bright green and the foreign faces fade into the din of the food-court, and I’m drawn into his eyes. The eyes of my love take me away.

image

waiting

Standard
Hearts

A Thought about Hearts

When it comes to hearts and love and butterflies and infatuation and plain old lust (which is not love at all) and staying together forever, everyone has an opinion. Solomon to Louis Armstrong to Robert Indiana has had something to say about it.

The older I get, the more I feel like love is greatly misrepresented in the media. If that’s all there is, and if we believe that’s all there is, it’s no wonder there are high rates of divorce and separation (and more commonly just ignoring marital vows like “forsake all others”).

Love is not just feeling like you want to be a better person for them, or the creeping electricity when he “accidentally” touched your arm. Nor is it just your strange inside-jokes that none of your friends get… certainly not the fact that you both enjoy cooking/ hiking/ going Maracas together. These things are great, but when he tells you/does something that gets under the love and cushy-ness, and past the stage of irking to outright pissing you off… love is not in that place. In that place you’ve got to have respect, lest you say something that can never be erased. Under that love has got to be patience and longsuffering and a willingness to let go of missteps. And under that is the primary understanding that even as you grow together into one with this person, this person is still not you… Which is just fine.

These are the foundation of love, in my opinion. Especially the kind of love that makes people promise their lives to each other. In the movies, at the apex of the relationship rough patch, there would be a realization that things that first brought the couple together are worth fighting for. This may be the only thing the movies have gotten right. That, and knowing you are a better person because of them.

In the Emmys, Julianna Margulies thanked her husband in her acceptance speech and said “it would mean nothing without you.

It’s amazing how much those words weigh.

Standard